Suddenly back at this space after more than a year.
Because I need an outlet
Suddenly it feels like my future is bleak
Everyday I drag myself up for lessons, pull myself to do my homework purely for the sake of doing
And to go for exchange I need to get a >4.5 gpa to even qualify for exchange and that's not even good enough.
But no it's not impossible
I can do this

hahahahah hi
its 2015 already.
the last time i blogged was about me not getting into NBS camp ranting and whinning like a 5 yo brat not getting her fav candy.

So yup this year will be the year im turning 20.
ive achieved many things, work, friends, started on a new phase in life - uni, which didnt start well...
but enough of that drama im done.
"whats done in 2014, stays in 2014" - Ying Jia, 2015
HAHAHAHAHHA

tmr im embarking on a journey, to bkk with my university mates.
kinda excited, like a bird that grew wings. first time flying out of the shelter of my parents/ & loved ones. Need to be independent & take care of my belongings to ensure that it wouldnt be a one and last trip with my friends.

hope that everything goes smoothly & we'll have nothing but fun there!!!!!
till then, xx

oh how much i miss this place. will be back soon, promise.
(funny how i keep making empty promises myself, what a bitch i am)

hope i come back alive & in one piece, but if i dont.....
i have lived my life to my fullest :,)

Augustus waters fears oblivion, I fear failure. 

I guess I've been really lucky and things have been going my way, even if it doesn't, there's always a back up for me to fall on. But this time.... I'll have to learn to face rejection. 

Its just that I've always been looking forward to it..... Since alevels ended or smth. And I cannot believe I'm missing such an important phase of my life. Ppl can say it's just a camp or it's ok there'll always be other chances, but no. It's not the same. It will never be. And that sucks knowing out of 900 over ppl they picked 448 which is a tad less than half. And what are the chances of you not getting in? Why am I always not good enough? I have friends who applied for 2 camps, and got into both, but me.... I bet all my stakes on this and didn't even get in to the one and only choice I made. To think I was so naive that I thought it was a first come first serve basis, I thought I was safe. That sucks man it really does. Gonna be so bummed for a long long time. How do ppl face rejection without anywhere else to go???

But yes I understand life is not a wish granting factory. So yup I'll have to suck it. I swear this only pushes me to work harder, get better. Fuck you, just fuck your bloody inefficiencies and watch me grow. 

You know the feeling when you're so angry that tears well up and you feel like the biggest idiot crying over things/people that don't even matter. And how you have expectations of ppl but they fall short & you get so mad but then you forgive them in account for how long you've known them & the better memories and then some shit happens & it's a vicious cycle. 

I feel like the stupidest person ever, loving people that don't deserve it and not loving the ppl that I should.

I just need to get this all out once and for all how I hate ppl who doesn't understand my work situation & think I'm having it the easy way. How I'm letting my demons take over me, I'm not the same nice, let ppl get on me person I was years ago, now I'm trying to show my true emotions (ain't working too well) and I actually don't like to share things unless I love you a lot & I don't like doing things for ppl because they don't even appreciate it. 

Sucks to love ppl & the same is not reciprocated. Ppl including myself ought to reflect repent regret once in a while, really. Such insensitivity/ uncaring/ brattiness/ annoying behavior is unacceptable. 

Coach Carter

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Side note, have been watching such motivational sports related movies lately & I highly recommend these few. 

1) forever strong

2) coach carter

3) gridiron gang

Woohoo @ good looking buff athletes/ actors but that most importantly their preserverence & discipline - I need that

Seriously letting the inner demon in me take over my thoughts 

Eventful week of April

whoops its gonna be a week late post so starting from 14 april......

12 april - Sat
Swa's POP!!! woke up early just for him, met swa's family & his friends to set of to the floating platform. So long since ive been there and it was really touching to see them reciting pledges to marching after their xxkm march and throwing their caps up. Got to meetup with my pri sch clique too! (partially) & so proud of my fav tamil friend kurum best in company OMG unbelievable he used to bully me alot :,( and ended with bedok 85 with his family ahahahhaha awkward me eating little and his mum giving me ALOT of meatballs.

14 april - Monday
met up with serene for abit to chill, jam and simply ketchup. :-)

15 april Tuesday
Finally met up with the busy bee after work to town!!! so long since we've been to town it seems like a foreign land. it was supposed to be a shopping date but he didnt let me buy anything since i had h&m sample sale the other day OMG SPAZZZZZZ so damn worth it.Had botak jones for dinner, & pique nique waffles + ice cream & triple choc cheesecake for dessert. And a long long bus ride home. Wish it could be like that once a week, & i'll be satisfied. It was cute old times that i missed oh so much. Im glad our date worked out fine because it noramlly doesnt (either lazy to go out or ends on a bad note)

16 april Wednesday
Met up with pri sch mates. Such funny people i swear, the guys telling us about their army lives & us just listening & trying to put ourselves in their shoes all. Had makisan for dinner for the first time, my combination of sushi was so bad my friend said it tasted like char siew rice sobz. and had desserts!!! lovely lovely time with my old pals.

17 April Thursday
Went for deb's church easter musical it was almost a full strength meetup!! had Ps cafe for dinner not bad i liked it. but i was so so so tired :-( not enough sleep accumulated over the past few days.

18 April Friday
GOOD FRIDAY!!!! raining cats and dogs boohoo :-( met my dear boy and had astons for lunch, i swear, reminiscing good old jc/ sec(?) times where after studying at tamp area and going there to order my fav hickery chic with pasta salad & mash potato. Met up with my dearest 33/12 girls at mbs, had a good chilling sesh at the infinity pool & super late dinner at a random ramen shop because girls being girls took super long to wash up after the swim.

19 April Saturday
Wimbly Lu with simz!!! It was so good no regrets walking/ sweating under sweltering hot unmerciful sun. & pretty waitress who served us, that lucky sim (sigh) got to oogle at all the pretty waitresses in my face. Oh well. Then he met with his friends & abandoned me sobz

we haz naise shuzzz

20 April Sunday
Met up with simz for lunch & starbucks then off to sarah's for a BBQ!!!! met my 33/12 girls thrice this week....... overly attached hahaha. Indeed that we dont meet up often at all but once we do its on a roll LOL!! first time bbq-ing without help with guys - girl power!!! & mini celebration for hwee, drinking beer, playing our self-invented "theme" game, eating the way-too-many stingrays, super duper good time. Friends that i'll keep for a long time.

WHY AM I SUCH A LUCKY BITCH :,)