Fucking pissed with my mum bloody hell superstitious and judgmental and demanding. Now I can't even choose what school I want to enter!?!? What the fuck. Ok so you made my choice of ngee ann four years ago and now history is on repeat. My sister had suffered now the cycle returns and oh my turn is up next. Bloody hell.
Just submitted my choices, didn't have a lot to choose from anyway since I'm in arts stream. Haiiii I was feeling confident about my choices and they had to waver my faith in myself. Rarely am I so decisive and determined about my future and they have to push me into the black hole.
Fuck my life this is a time when I really hate my parents they think I'm stubborn and rebellios what not and they think they are doing the best for me for my future. I want to make my own decisions I'm already 17 for god sake.
Entered AJ today, it's really a mugger school. So I'm the only nass person there again like 4 years ago. Felt really lonely and sad when seeing Girls and boys in groups, didn't make any new friends cause I was busy wallowing in self pity. Followed the crowd up to the hall and after dismissal out of school cause I couldn't talk to anyone. Pathetic huh, but at least I felt "independent"
Forced to go to nyjc for a co trial, fuck you guys know my skills cannot make it plus I don't even know where the hell are the notes anymore I don't wanna go there to throw face omg why can't my parents act smart abit and read my mind. Fuck can't they stop acting like they know everything when they don't even know the basic thing of what their daughter feels. Someone please kidnap me tomorrow omg..... Maybe this is the reason why some kids commit suicide or something. Fucking pressurized I don't wanna live my life like that. Fuck all control freaks, fuck you all

Ok so today is the day man. Day of awkwardness, or maybe day that I'll change my mind about AJ, or day that I'll make new friends, learn to be independent (because nobody that i know of is going there) :-(
Hmmmm but somehow I have a good feeling about today so may my gut be right! Gonna be in orientation groups later rah nerve wrecking, I am seriously i forgot how to make new friends....

Yesterday was one of the awesome bonding days with my clique. And we whatsapp until like base farewell like that :-(
Had piano in the morning, then headed to swa's house to meet his family :$
I changed like sooo many times I swear cause first impression is the most crucial so yep I hope they like me! His sis is really outspoken and cute sia la hahahaha! Really enjoyed my time there ;)
Then met ma clique at city hall to walkwalk, then to sommerset, and bought my smiggle pencil case!!! :-) so me (purple), carina (blue), swa (black), yeeying (pink) we almost bought all the colors. Green was no where to be found so yeah. Loving it hehe. Shall buy markers to fill my smiggle soon! I have the noob feelin when I'm all hyped up buying new sationaries for new school keke. We walked a lot anyway and reached home almost 11 parents were furious :-( sorry swa :(
The best thing is IM AMAZED AT HOW FAST I ADJUSTED MY BODYCLOCK BACK TO TYPICAL SCHOOL DAYS. I mean I thought I'd never be able to do that!!!

Ok sooooo all the best for school to all the jc peeps! And play hard for the poly peeps! Yeah feeling the excitement nowwww

My stomach is growling now... :-(
I've been slacking my life away and school is gonna start soon omg i'm doomed. How can I ever get into the busy bee momentum again!?!? Sleeping late and waking up late have been a daily routine I can never break the chain hahaha. not that I don't miss school, I miss school life so freaking much it's indescribable. Speaking of school life, the school posting results will be out on Monday omg. But I'm kinda feeling neutral like as calm as the ocean~~~

Ok so today was a fantastic day, it's our clique bai nian!!! :-) with additional members swa Weixian Shihong and Suchi! hehe
So my house was the first stop, then huiyi's, serene's, suchi's, yeeying's, Carina's then lastly Kelly's! Carina's mum is damn cute hahahaha really living up the cny spirit ;) had astons for dinner (long live hickery BBQ chicken man!) and bonded with ma girls Mwacks love them like a love song <3

Lastly, school's gonna start soon which also means less time with my girls and also my boyfriend :-( I guess Monday will be our last meetup for now rah that just sucks.

PS sorry for the boring posts without pictures because I've been using my iPhone to tweet and I can't post pics from my phone :( imagine living without a computer till march as the IT fair commends in march. Damn.

Just got back from txy's house with a bloated tummy + family pack alamak. The meal was scrumptious hehe her dad cooks food fit for a king d=^^=b watched the rest gamble and play cards, feel so noob for not knowing how to play taidi ohwell. Hehe good catching up with them I hope they don't don't like me :-(

Went to wild wild wet in the noon and still smelling like chlorine now :$ hehehe it was superrrrr fun! The sun wasn't that big but I don't know why we still turned out to be roasted pigs grrrr. The mean ass cashier didn't allow the usage of friend's nebo, curses. $16 sia haiyo stupid man. Slacked a lot a lot at shiok river and played slide up once which was super fun wahahaha but didn't get to play woolala though. I learnt how to swim in depth because I realized I have been swimming anyhow-ly. Yayyyy although looking like a red faced tanned girl but the fun was indescribable <3

Pity we didn't get to go drink 'once upon a milkshake' because the flavor for today is butterscotch rahhhhhh. I so wanna drink it next week yay! Tmr shall be stay home day and practice piano cause ive been going out so often for the past few days. Hehe ok Byebye hope everyday had a really great lunar new year and received a lot of angpows and spent a lot of family time! Muahmuah.

Ah freak I just did something so horrible that I regret it feels so surreal. Shit if I met me I'll hate me and think I'm damn attract attention kinda person. I freaking hate myself now.
Sometimes I feel so taken for granted I don't wanna give others too much of my feelings already cause I know I won't receive the same vast of love back.

Happy Chinese new year guys!!!! :-)
Dressed shabbily today hehe went to grandma's for lunch and the comparing results thing is seriously getting on my nerves plus my cuz needs to maintain abit and learn the art of being humble. Slept for awhile there cause it was just so boring then headed to dad's side uncle's place for dinner!! He's the best cook man hahaha! Great meal, watched tv till end of visit hahha. Erm..... I guess the older we get the more distant it becomes between relatives :$
Went home watched "my brother, Bruce lee" damn nice!!! It's like 2nd party point of view and cool shit keke. Rah I don't know what to do now im trying to kill time. Trying my best to shou ye for my parents to live till old age ;) but I don't think I can hang in there anymore :(
Hmmmm I guess it doesn't feel good to be forgotten. I wanna tell myself it's ok but apparently not. I guess I love you guys but you guys just don't love me back. Haha

Loving swa's scent hehe wearing his jacket makes me
Feel like he's with me all the time :)

Woke up early morning to do last minute grocery shopping, Ntuc was super crowded omg the queue all long @&$?!#%^*. Then met swa for abit to slack
around, collected me and huiyi's loots from Maryann, and went to changing city point keke. Finally got my desired American eagle floral bag keke. Today is my lucky day I bought the last piece at 1/2 price ahhhh which is damn damn worth it cause it's so pretty and cost $15. Happy me :-) dinner-ed with swa then went home! Home
Sweet home hehe :)
Read book again in the same environment and currently striving to improve my English so I noted down all the complex words that I can't comprehend. I realized English is such a hard language to master, how can one learn all the words in the world and can use them appropriately in the right situations?! Argh, got to buck up on English or lose out in the future. Boo to the realistic judgmental world.

Current mood: blessed :)
Wearing swa's jacket and lying in bed with full blast air con reading 'the ice cream girls' borrowed from Joanne. This is life man.

It was our darling kelly's 17th birthday yesterday 18.01.12 so my clique booked a chalet and BBQ pit for her and invited people who were dear to her in nas! Hehe hope she was touched I can't say it's a success but just hope that the birthday girl enjoyed herself. A lot of credit goes to the guys too for BBQ-ing all the food because I must confess I did not even barbecue a single thing. Oh and the decorations in the room was awesome too keke. The best thing of all is..... *drumroll* my dad actually allowed me to stay overnight!!!!! Hip hip hurray!!! So yesterday was the first time in 17 years that I've ever been able to stay in a chalet hahaha. Hey no laughing ok!? Yeah so it was fun and I had a really great time, spending time with my buds and bf ;) also listened to many interesting stories hahahah and I guess i learnt a lot too. Everything is more than meets the eye.

We slacked till like 1 in the chalet when the actual check out timing was 1030. Whoooops, bad ass is us. My poor baby slept on the floor while I slept on the bed hehe I love you swa <3 he made my stay a really enjoyable one and I don't know if this would be the first and last time we can get to spend the night together :-( was dead tired and after all the fun I guess I have to bear the consequences of bad eyebags pimples and lack of sleep. Zzzzzz thanks a lot.
Didn't get to take a nap because I accompanied serene to town to collect her pay! Shopped at fareast for abit, where did all the cheap stuffs go!!?!? Stupid sales gimmicks, cny arriving then they jacked up the prices I'm so sad. Hehe we ate Thai food which was damn good, so much for cheap huh serene tan!? It cost me $7.80! But great meal ah, I'm really dead my appetite is humongous now I went home to eat yong tao fu. Yummmmm :p but tired max now abrupt ending here my apologies hehe :$

Missing swa already :( bye.

Happy 17th birthday Weixian! :)

Currently blogging using my iPhone in my room of darkness and feeling a surge of indescribable blended feelings. Like what the shit I don't even know what I'm talking about but I guess it's just one of those days. Perhaps it's because I'm starving or it's my first day today or I dont know what particular reason.

Thought about a lot of shit in my life during the long bus journeys to and fro from facial yesterday; conclusion is, I came to no conclusion. And that sucks. Lying on bed and imagining scenarios, what a weird thing to do right? But that's what I did and imaging all the what ifs and what not in my head, contradicting each other. The infuriating thing is that after wrecking my brain and killing all the puny brain cells I failed to give myself an answer. On the other hand I did do a lot of reflecting today and realized I have neglected my friends :-( drifted far away from them and I hope I still can make amends. People say secondary school friends are keepers, so yeps I feel that they're worth the keep and I got to do something about it!

Hmmm shall try to get some sleep now, goodnight everyone! Have a nice day :)

I NEED A LAPTOP SO FREAKING BAD.
Anyone knows of any cheap places that sells lappy can tell me and sun bian tell me what brand good also I will love you to bits hehe ;)

Sooooooo, today is The long awaited day of moving to livia!!!
Super busy from morning to evening and finally getting to relax after dinner!! ;) but no connection yet in the house so it's super lag! And the worst thing is that I can't watch running man ohnooooooooo :-(
Yay really pleased with my room (although I had a lot of complains about it at first) shall post a picture of it when I get my lappy! (soon I hope)
I guess I'm gonna go watch tv or sleep or read or something now.....
And today I'm so proud of myself caused I swallowed my pride and apologized to my dear friend to salvage our friendship hehe. Idiot friend and whereas bravo to me!

YEAH MAN FINALLY WENT TO OAKHAM TODAY!!!!!!!!!!
but the queue was really long & the wait was exhausting not to mention our impatience & legs like jelly & we were like non-stop sweating machines. Mr nice sim transformed into mr cranky sim in a second hahahahhaa. So guilty shopping and making him so bored. :$
I had piano this morning & so frustrated i didnt get to pass my songs. (surprise surprise -.-)
Currently blogshopping with darling huiyi hehehehe. Mum just gave me & sis each $100 so.......... I SHALL DO MY BEST TO CONTROL MY SPENDINGS, wish me luck!

EGG-CITED *\^-^/* moving to livia on sundayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Yay just submitted my JAE thanks to all the opinions from my seniors and peers hehe (:
I LOVE YOU MERIDIAN PLEASE LOVE ME BACK.
Today is a super waste time & nua day. Time seems to fly so fast i havent even got to go to uss or kbox or sentosa or other cool places this holiday yet.
Hopefully tomorrow i can get to go chinatown hehe.
Ok plan for tmr, piano > livia > school > *fill in blank here*
nothing much has been happening that is mindblowing so no story telling for you ooopsie daisy sorry!!!!!!!

Just watched "Facing the Giants" on funshion, really inspiring and i cried a waterfall. Why so touching? :(
Felt really disappointed seeing how far one could go if one doesnt give up when a goal is near. I think i really didnt put in much effort, i made a mistake but i cant rewind time. That really sucks but i cant go mopping around and complaining about my sorrowful plight and envy the others. GOT TO GET UP ON MY FEET NOW. For those who had done well, im really proud of you mwacks. But for insensitive people who think they're oh-so-smart just because they're doing well and that gives them the right to trample on people's self esteem, KISS MY ASS.

Anyway, mission impossible with swa in the morning, <3 then went to livia to slack! Invited the girls over, (sorry for the poor hospitality though) & discussed about our choices haha! Quite a slack day & i love the girls :) but really tired now got to turn in soon!

the tears would run plentifully down my face when i made these reflections and sometimes i would expostulate with myself why providence should thus completely ruin his creatures and render them so absolutely miserable so without help abandoned so entirely depressed that it could hardly be rational to be thankful for such a life.

Enough acting happy for today :)
13 is the lucky number by the way

BLOODY SCARED FOR TOMORROW.
ALL THE BEST LOVELIES. <3

Im really afraid of tomorrow. My results has always been on a never ending roller coaster ride. My psle was bad enough i really want to impress people this time. So sorry if i get really bad results tomorrow im afraid i may not be genuinely happy for my other friends who got real good results...........

AHHHHHHHHHHH AMANDA BYNES I LOVE HER hehehehe.
These 2 days ive been watching her movies on funshion, including "She's the man", "Love Wrecked", "Sydney White" and "What a girl wants". Still got what movie starring her ah???

Woke up early morning to move stuff to livia, everythings almost ready! my excitment level is......... 7/10 hehe. Its nice and a new environment but compared to hdb its really small. What a pity ): Its so damn tough doing house work omg...... i clean abit only then i got exhausted. i think im such a brat, worn out so easily and let mama do the rest :x I'll make it up by going there again tomorrow to help i guess! Stupid sis is overseas playing while we suffer. & I FINALLY GOT MY HAIR CUT!!!!!!! but my fringe is freaking short whats new. Blah slack day overall but it really freaks me out when im bathing and suddenly the "monday-nerves" keeps haunting me. AH FREAK just the thought of it makes me wanna pee in my pants.

I love my parents hehe, mama gonna give me $100 to spend on my new room + cny clothes BRAVO TO HER!!!!! :D

& OH BOY DO I WANNA GO OAKHAM MARKET SO BAD

Is insecurity even normal??????



Just some random shit

10 things i wanna do but will never do:
1. Ride a motorbike (not the arcade one)
2. Get a tatoo
3. Smoke a cigarette
4. Be 16 & pregnant hahhahahahaha
5. Join a talent time contest
6. Run away from home
7. READ MINDS
8. Be on tv
9. Study for 24hours
10. Break a world record

Ok shit i dont know why my stomach so pain now.............................
YAY TP OPEN HOUSE TODAY!
erm................ its was cool but slightly mundane but tons of pretty girls & handsome guys ah! & its huge too. I dont know what to think because at the end its still the results that will decide our future.
Bought tp tank with my girls yay so happy with my loot! ;)
Partically slacked my day off afterwards at home then packed up the house at night.
Tomorrow there will be logistic guys coming over to load the boxes of stuff already!!!!! omg quite thrilled about moving but on second thought i really like sengkang too sooooooooo ahya i cannot make up my mind.
Bye!

Hi guys im back to blog about yesterday & today as well!

3rd Jan
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YANGHUI!!!!!!! <3
Slacked with serene today yayyyyyyy great time with her <3 Went to ikea to shop, ate like a glutton omg.............. damn sinful feel so fat ARGH. We ate meatballs & butterscotch + Choc cake, then we ate hotdog bun + drink JUST FOR THE SAKE OF EATING. We're dommed arent we ): Hehe then back to my house to slack for abit then off to town to shop!! brought ser to f21 @ orchard & she bought her first loot from there! YEAH MAN! Super slacky day but time passed quite slow idk if its a good thing or a bad thing. But i love my qtpie bff hurray!

HAIIIII inferior my eye so small & face very cui. -.-


4th Jan

Piano today! omg....... the freaking grade 6 theory so hard i wanna give up already but no i shant! *sulks* its the only thing im ok at so i cant waste my efforts (&my parents' $$$)

HEHEH went shopping again!!!!!! YEAH seriously i think i know why girls love to shop soooooooooooooooo much. Becauseeeeeeeee *drum roll* the clothes are quite affordable so we just spend like nobodys business & then end up when we bring our loot home we bought like 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 or more or less stuff HAHAHAHA ridiculous. I admit im a spend thrift sucks to be my bank ): Swa didnt let me buy anything at H&M & i was a little upset but i know its for my own good but still......... :-( We went to wisma to run errands for my dad, then went to tampines astons for dinner yay!!!! yum yum yum was super bloated but now im super hungry again SHIT.

ohya we saw samuel at whitesands today btw, i missed him!!! hahahhahaha!

RESULTS ARE GONNA BE RELEASED ON 9TH JAN 2PM O.M.G

D O O M E D AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I guess we've come to this stage too huh?

Day 3- Your Parents



Dear Papa & Mama,

I really wanna thank you guys for supporting me through these long & tough 16 years. I hope year by year i grow to be more mature and you guys can learn to trust me & reply on me. I was a rebellious kid who desired freedom, but now i dont really mind the curfews you guys set for me because i know you care & do not want to see me get into trouble. Sometimes you guys can be such a pain in the ass i wanna say "go and die" but i wont because im afraid of that day's arrival............ I always compare 'oh why blahblah's parents so cool why my parents so zzzzzzzzzzz' but i guess its fated, and im living a good life so what more can i ask for? I guess i can only seek forgiveness, but i hope you guys can accept swa, i really want to bring him home officially & have family outings & all, hahahahahahahahaha ok i shall keep dreaming.

I think you guys are the best parents anyone can ever ask for, slaving your lives off to work for a stable income to support me & sis. You guys save up soooooooooo much that we get to go overseas often and can even get to move to a new estate. THATS A BIG DEAL. :-) I admire you guys so much you are great parents, If i ever get to choose the family i want to be born in, i'd still choose you. Hehe thanks for providing me & sis with a great living environment and for providing us such a good life. Im Sorry im so spoilt sometimes and so disobedient & greedy & mean & harsh & rude & ungrateful & i always fail to make you all proud.

I really hope i can score well for Os so i can finally make you guys proud & also not lose face while comparing with others in the family tree. Love you all so so so so much <3  

Happy 17th Birthday Syahirah Fauzi!!!! <3
hehe went to livia in the morning then met huiyi (her house is literally a stones throw away muahahaha) & bus-ed to meet the girls at 201 mac! SORRY WE WERE LATE D; We made sya's card & went to her house to surprise her!!!! yayyyyyyy slacked around, took pics, chit chat, & time zoomed by.
After the little birthday celebration carina, yeeying, tan xinyi, shufang & I went to tmall for lunner (lunch + dinner) then met swa for abit!
Went home to sleep for an hour but i was abit scared of being alone at home :$ Swa went to primary school chalet but i called him anyway to accompany me hehe. Today i felt really loved by him but i wonder if it can last......... :-( Ah freak everyones getting really emo nowadays i dont wanna be infected..........

Tomorrow half of my clique is going to USS........ & i cant help but to feel abit betrayed. haiiiiiiiiii what about me? I wanna go too ): But i understand its a group thing so me & serene are going out to kill time! MURDER TIME WITH......... shotgun, rifle, machine gun, and many more weapons i cannot think of right now. HEHE LAME ME.

I wanna dedicate this post to my lovely co mates especially to my oh-so-cute juniors because school reopens tomorrow! (AWHHHHHHH ): ) Time flies so fast & we're regarded as ex-nasco already..... *sobs*
To all the sec 4s : Ningxin, Janice, Paiboon, Hweeyang, Winston, Crystal, Mingyou, Odelia, Junting, Xinwei, Jiaqi and manymany more, BETTER WORK HARD FOR Os!!!!!!! & continue to contribute to co be it for the remaining 4months or so & choose the future leaders wisely! Mwacks.
To all the sec 3s: Joanne, Sheryl, Arviel, Kinwei, NEW CLASS NEW BEGINNING. All the best guys!!!! Cannot believe you guys have grown so big already D:
& Lastly to all currently alumnis: Siti, Natasha, Aaron, Alicia, Lijean, Jiahwee, Shufang, Serene, Jingying, Xiaojin, Qikai. I MISS YOU GUYS ALREADY. No more co nonsense for us omg......... cannot stand not having fun with you guys twice a week. Kinda missing co already although i bet my presence is not needed & gls doesnt even know my existence ): Missing those times we work hard like crazy, everyone thinks co is just playing a few notes easy peasy like a piece of cake but look harder. I think practice is quite time consuming and mentally draining ): HEHEH nevertheless its you guys that push me that im willing to commit & have such a great time in co; NASCO FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3

I MISS SCHOOL. i dont know why people are dreading it cause i love school hahahaha. call me nerdy but seriously wait till you dont get to go to school & this will be your sentiments exactly. BREAK A LEG to all who have school tmr! Feeling so eggcited for the sec1 newbies. Reminiscene much ;)

ANYWAY........... Im a super indecisive person so can anyone tell me whether i should cut my hair??? Anybody at all???? ARGHHHHHHHH. CAN ANYBODY HELP ME, OR AM I TALKING TO MYSELF~ (singing to astronaut by simple plan now :>)

HAPPY NEW YEAR PULL YOUR EAR!!!!!!!!!!

To all those who got their hearts broken,

Is it me or it doesnt even freaking feel like new year at all zzzzzzzzz -.-
Results are gonna be out like in 8 days so.................... !@#$%^&*&^%$#@!
Woke up at 10am (earliest since co camp) to practice piano then packed up all my stuff into boxes to get ready for the big move. My house is damn messy now arghhhhhh feels so weird cause its my first time moving that i remember hehe. So we brought some stuffs to livia & cleaned up with blasted music hehe so fun. Then went to defu furniture pte ltd to buy wallpaper for my room (YAY!) & carpet for the living room. IM QUITE EXCITED NOW though my room is damn small but i'll deal with it. Then went to Courts to walkwalk so tiring & had dinner there! (talking about dinner im starting to get humgry) & MY MUM SHOULD STOP RANTING ABOUT IM GETTING FAT & MY SIS IS SO THIN -.- im losing self esteem for real.
went home to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep & now im up to use comp YAY!

Overall it just feels like a normal sunday to me, no big deal. BUT ITS 2012...... weird, gonna take time to get used to it.

Day 2 - my crush

Ok so i just checked up the dictionary for the defination of the word 'crush' and it says - an intense but usually short-lived infatuation.

So since i have swa already, :$

THIS!!!!!

HEHEHEHEHE WHY HE SO PRETTY. He is Song Joong Ki by the way, i feel quite noob but i only know his existence from watching Running Man, and the recent episode that i watched he left the cast already noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. T.T But hes kinda too pretty so........ this so called crush will probably end in weeks heheh. I feel unrealistic whoops