eighteen

today is one of the days when i dont know what im living for and what im worth
time check: 3.04AM got to wake up less than 3 hours later for burden school
today marks the end of block tests 2,
which i screwed upside down
THE FUCKING FEELING WHEN YOU KNOW YOU CAN DO BETTER
THE FUCKING REGRET OF NOT STUDYING HARDER.
ya thats it.

was so depressed over the freaking mistakes i made in the papers, i couldnt enjoy the end of block test celebration. It just doesnt feel good knowing that you suck and mentally prepared that youre going down.

Nevertheless i couldnt be a wet blanket and dampen everyone's mood so i had to pretend that i wasnt freaking pissed with myself, & we went for lunch at manhatthan fish market! SO GOOD OMG...... but ive been spending so much money like water ohno! followed by a treat for myself - koi, then guitar which was like less than 10 mintues of practising and slack/ discuss about concert and fooling around all the way hehe. serious mode on tomorrow im sorry.

So im currently 18 now, which i dont feel so a single bit.
Since i had 2 papers day, i had 3 papers on my birthday which was a huge spoiler, but im really grateful that my mates celebrated for me after math paper. Had my first virgin 'twelve cupcakes' from them AHHHH HEAVEN, & they got me a polaroid!! so did paiboon, winston & hweeyang. So my birthday presents this year are 2 polaroid cameras!!!! :-) im happy feeling so loved but i dont know which one to use cause its unfair to the other party..... decisions decisions.
Since we had to chiong home to study still, we didnt get to take pictures and under the stress mode it really didnt feel like my birthday at all. Im a huge fan of birthdays & i love to feel loved on that day. but this year was different. I wasnt even looking forward to it, & due to my low profile-ness, many people in my life forgot my birthday, (which kinda hurts me cause although it may seem insignificant for a little wish, it reflects my importance to them). Plus the fact that my girls cant celebrate me due to stupid tests like we used to for all previous years. It was saddening. But it was all better after meeting swa for dinner & to chit chat. It still didnt feel like my birthday, it just felt like a TGIF day. Got home and had no mood to study and turned in after replying to the nice people who wished me. WHICH I REGRETTED SO BADLY FOR NOT REVISING *SLAPS MYSELF LIKE CRAZY*

today is debi's birthday, and the end of this week!!! woohoo kinda looking forward to it cause although theres guitar tomorrow, swa is picking me up from school!!!! :-) stayed up to make debi's card/book. really put in alot of effort to it i hope she likes it, she'll be the reason for my eyebags and bad skin for tmr HEHE. OK my turn to sleep now! hope we get to take pictures tmr so i can share them here provided i remember to bring my new polaroid babies to school.