Pursuit of happyness

Why do i feel that everyone close to me is drifting away from me?
you know the fact that the more lonely you feel, the more lonely you'll be?  (Haha not a fact actually, just some psychology thing that i figured out which works for me.) IT CERTAINLY WORKS NOW.

yeah i feel that. Maybe because ive changed so much i dont even recognise myself. being so materialistic that shopping and food became my first priority and that i put myself first, i stop being nice and start holding grudges, ranting about stuff, being more of a critic than a peace&love kinda human. yeah maybe the problem lies with me.

I used to didnt have to try to make friends, people would automatically make friends with me. Or when i was younger i was really chatty so naturally i opened up to many and everyone became friends with everyone. Now, not only i have to try to make friends, i actually have to try to keep them.

You know the fact that everyone has to have this "best friend"? the one you do everything with, the one you can chat everything under the sun with, the one who knows you inside out, have a love-hate relationship with you cause they see your true self? i want it. its not that i dont have them, its just that i need them. I need them to be with me all the time to feel secure. I guess. OH that was hard to admit.

I thought i was ok being alone, i mean i had been alone in the first few days in AJ, sitting alone in the canteen eating food while listening to my earpiece just to keep up a strong front that i dont need friends (HAHAHA BULLSHIT) then i started making friends, until i had my classmates, but the fact that i dont have my girls from NAS with me, i had to have new "best friends" like a clique or just a group i hang with day & night simply speaking. I think i used to have that, but now things are just complicated. Its not that we had a fight or anything, its just that the ambitious me wanted to be friends with everyone in class that now i dont belong anywhere and its just weird now......... Its like group work, or partner that kinda thing. You know that meme that gives "that face" and the caption "when your teacher says pair up and you look at your best friend with that face" like in pokemon "I CHOOSE YOU" but i dont have that now & its sometimes worrying because i dont wanna be alone or left out.

Its just sad and sad and sad and sad. Or maybe im just pms-ing right now. i dont know what to think. Anyway like swa said, if youre having a bad day or feeling down, just blame it on pms because we have the right to do so.