why is it so hand to get to know/understand some people? like ive known you for quite some time but i dont even know you at all?

do i have to go away to make you love me

honestly, the only way to avoid is to play your peace and shut your mouth.
ive learnt that since upper secondary i think, & really, it works
you know if you argue (even if youre right - but oh wait we always think we're right), the fight will definitely escalate into something undesirable
been witnessing too many fights in the house to know not to take sides, not to get involved.
just watch, and know for myself whos right and whos wrong (technically both parties)
i hate how we disrespect each other & how we dont communicate well enough everyday to know whats going on in everyones life. How i dont know your feelings, what youre doing.
i like being the happy kid, the kai xin guo of the family. i feel like all our relatives are drifting apart. i feel like its my duty to bond us together again.
jealousy, comparisons, everything that is so unnecessary that ruins us humans.
Why? its so ridiculous
insensitivity of course. my biggest fear. i really cannot stand insensitive people, although it was unintentional but it hurts so so bad & i tend to overthink stuff so i'll just wallow in self pity
i hate how dramas really do happen in real life
you hate her, she hates her, he hates her, they hate her, you hate him, he hates you......... and so on
so it all comes down to the question - are humans better off without emotions?

hehe hi guys im currently halfway through my Alevels its excruciating  (i swear)
recently im damn into brackets i dont know why & GP paper 2 asked the intent for the bracket im like OKAYYYYYYYYYYY

side track:
i feel like everyone has split personalities
its like the body clock where it automatically adjusts for you to wake up early on school days & sleep in on weekends
like we automatically switch to different personality modes when interacting with different types of people
i swear it happens to me all the time like in one day i can be 5 ying jias
like theres a serious side, playful side, wilful & bratty side (to my family mostly) , bitchy evil side (with bitchy people of course) & alot alot more la. depending on mood too
so interesting, its not like we're hypocrites or anything. i came up with my own theory, its that we wanna fit in to blend with the other party, so we adjust our personality to fit theirs (if you are friends with them & is obliged to hang & you cant avoid them/ because you have a strange but precious connection) then you would out in effort to be someone that they'll "accept" TADA THATS WHY. sociology 101 HAHAHAHA.

if you dont know im absolutely a flower child, like i love flowers alot. Photographs, floral designs, & real plants.
But then again most stuff in my closet are basic one coloured stuff (the other alternative would be floral duh) & most of them are grey/black. (maybe its because its easy to match but since i like flowers so much i would/should have more floral than dark colours?)
SEE!!! its so contrasting weird.

ok enough of my weird talking-to-myself shit. & im so disappointed with myself for chemistry T.T WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. sigh sigh sigh.
need to get a grip of myself & MOVE ON.
miss everyone so much, miss playing around & i kinda miss lectures too (im weird i know)

Thought vomit

Blogging from my blogger app before I turn in 

Today was a good day, studied at Carina's place, we were so disciplined (pat on our backs) and we realized time is really running out. This isn't what I'm supposed to be feeling, unprepared & panicky. But I'm gonna do my best.

Met swa for like less than 30minutes, it's never enough. And it always feels like we talk about only stuff on the surface I hate it that feeling. 

Anyway in the bathroom I was looking through glee videos on YouTube, missing Cory Monteith, and I bawled my eyes out hearing the cast sing for/about him. It's weird how I don't even know him but I feel so so sad. I know it's foolish to think that people must live till old age but it's just sad to see people die, just disappear into thin air & you never get to see/hear/feel them anymore. That's why we should really cherish everyone around us, that's what I do. Make the effort to tell your friends you miss them, catch up with old friends to let them know they're not forgotten, buy food for your family, the little things that replace words that are difficult to express. 

I've never attended a funeral, so I guess that means my relatives and friends are still well & healthy, that makes my glad. But I do wonder how it feels like sometimes, to lose someone so dear (of course I would not wanna experience it first hand) nonetheless I just wonder. 

Crying for people has became a weird habit of mine, cause well, I don't know what to say & though tears are of no help, it's uncontrollable anyway it's just all emotions gushing out at once,the  bizzare part of human nature. My classmate's brother, a teacher in my previous school, my mother's student's mum, sometimes I still think about them or get reminded of them. Some I may not know them personally, but seeing the messages left for them or hearing about their contributions & past makes me feel like I actually know them & once there's a relationship built it's like you know them already. You get what I mean?? I hate deaths, and I fear them. I don't get why some people don't, and even seek death. It's such a scary thing. Though it's a life process, it's contradicting that human lives can be created (naturally or through technology) yet human life cannot be resurrected. (With that comes recarnation but I'm not a strong believer of that so I can't say much) 

Ok with this I end this meaningless random thought vomit post hahahhaha LOLZ goodnight everyone xx

Farewell assembly 2013

graduation in school was a tad boring for me hahaha ive got high taste for performancesc but i found myself tearing to videos from the teachers & juniors. ;,( 

cant believe jc life is about to end, as much as i dreaded it.

phototaking session was a crazy long one, then homed to bathe then met the girls for marche again.

ending farewell in ajc with a good note, then off to fighting for my future again. 

got home and was so crazy tired i slept at 10 but was awakened by the insanely loud thunder & pitter patter of the the rain drumming on the window. it was frankly speaking quite frightening i wanted to run into my parents room lol. 

monday blues :-(((((

So freaking tired despite only having classes for 3 subjects only. to think about it secondary school used to be way worse, there were so many subjects to juggle. BUT A levels is still the ultimate villain la. 

today morning was so epic, woke up pretty early but took my own sweet time again and when i checked iris, both of my choices of bus (89 & 39) were arriving. i swear i panicked like crazy. if youre thinking that its gonna be a twist and i ran for the bus and i caught it............ youre wrong. i missed both buses (they came tgt just my luck) i tried for an alternate route a took another bus........ then alighted at the mj bustop but there was no diff AHAHAHAH loser jia. so yeah, was running pretty late alr thank goodness the 39 driver drove at a not bad speed, got to khatib mrt at 7.10? then got stuck at the platform for forever because of the crowded, packed-like-sardines train. i missed like 5 trains? cause the area near the doors was so damn congested. oh well almost like 1/4 of the cohort was stuck outside the school gate anyway, the scene was pretty interesting HAHAH. i swear they still lock the gates are you serious.....

got home early but tired heh. but got to watch 'stuck in love' with swa! i dont get why its M18...... when other more inappropriate shows are just PG. it was not bad..... next movie date would be for about time!!! yay thank goodness simz doesnt abhor chick flicks or id have no one to watch with :,(

but i was being a nerd so we went home straight after the movie. of course, lousy me couldnt take the exhaustion and succumbed to a what planned to be a 1 hour nap to a almost 2 hour nap. muahahah so fufilling. Resulting in the state im in now, all perked with energy with lemon juice's aid too. 

im in the midst of preparing for econs prep test tmr if youre wondering. but i want to sleep so bad :((((

& i havent had a normal conversation with a human being since forever...... normally through social media, and stuff but ya. even when i talk to swa its like a 5 min phone call, (plus today's movie date isnt really the best way to bond & chat) but it was good nevertheless. HEHE

ok bye goodnight everyone. i believe in quality over quantity. if i cant take it anymore id rather go sleep MUAHAHA & revise again tmr sobz